England's comedy of errors

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Australia have had a few hiccups this summer what with Damien Martyn's shock retirement, Shane Watson pulling a hammy and Matt Hayden getting bitten by a dog. But our preparation has been smooth sailing compared to the blunders, injuries, tactical errors and various other shockers England have pulled. To win an Australian tour, everything has to come together. For England, nothing has gone right.

Their first misstep was shortly after their 2005 win when Australia poached Troy Cooley as bowling coach. It remains to be seen what effect he'll have on the Australian bowlers but his loss already seems evident in the lackluster bowling from the England quicks. Rod March has gone so far as to say England lost the Ashes when they lost Troy Cooley.

Next they lost two key players in Michael Vaughan and Simon Jones. Now I'm not surprised to see Jones fall by the wayside. He's a player of the Shane Watson mould - he can hardly get through a photo shoot without injuring something. I guess that's what happens when pretty boys play a man's sport. As for Vaughan, he had plenty of time to get right before the Ashes but somehow botched up the healing process, reinjuring the knee within a few days of returning to the field.

Then there was Trescothick (or Stresscothick as the Fanatics call him) falling apart after a few warm-up games. That he waited until a week before the 1st Test to desert his teammates was not the most opportune moment but he could've done it mid-series like Martyn (who is currently sunbaking in Hawaii, I believe). Nevertheless, things weren't all bad. England had a better wicketkeeper and a better spinner than in 2005. But in Brisbane, the selectors made another misstep.

Panesar was preferred over Giles. Jones was preferred over Read. Form, skill and statistics were ignored. I won't go on about how England need to choose Panesar over Giles. There's been a million articles, interviews and feature pieces that cover that ground extensively. In fact, the only people who think keeping Giles in the side is a good idea seem to be Andrew Flintoff and Ashley Giles' mum. The waters are muddied further when you consider Geraint Jones is one of the "committee" who advises on selection decisions. That goes a long way in explaining why the inferior wicketkeeper made the team.

Then there's the mystery of Michael Vaughan's second coming. Is he in the squad or isn't he? He's like the guy in schoolyard cricket who doesn't get picked in the team and yet hovers around the edges, just hoping for a hit. He even played for England in the 2 day tour match against Western Australia over the weekend. But when it came for his turn to bat, they moved him down the order. What is it - were they worried Vaughan might actually make some runs and demand inclusion in the Test XI?

Fletcher has been a scapegoat for England's performance although I've struggled to find any criticism of fellow selector Flintoff even after the alleged revelation that he lobbied for Giles over Panesar. Somehow the fat, stoic figure of Duncan Fletcher is much easier to hate than heroic Freddie. Australia have done away with coach and captain as selector - neither Ponting nor Buchanan have any authority in who makes the final team. This is how it should be - selection should be a dispassionate process with an eye on the big picture, unaffected by emotional decisions or personal ties.

This isn't a post-mortem - I wouldn't write off a series with 3 matches still to play (although yes, I do think we are a cert). But England need to clean up their off-field act if they're on-field performance is to improve (I haven't even touched on their big game choking). You get the impression they're trying to recapture the team of 2005 - a period that is fast becoming a sepia-tinted golden age. I wouldn't be surprised to see Simon Jones front up in Perth, hobbling around on crutches. What they need to recapture is their 2005 attitude - aggressive, in-your-face cricket. They eschewed past defensive selections in choosing Pietersen over Thorpe. They didn't take a back step on the field. If they come out in Perth with a positive team and an aggressive attitude, they may have a chance of getting back into the series.

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Posted by JC on Wed 13 Dec

8 comments

Not a pretty sight when all of the mistakes are lined up in a row like this is it. Freddy's decision to push for Giles doesn't bode well for his future as a captain either. I thought he was a little more astute. Punter's batting average has soared since gaining the captaincy. Somehow I don't think Freddy's will. Tugger switched to a p/t bowler not long after assuming the captaincy. I hope England don't put too much pressure on this talented player. Also, having Geraint Jones on a selection committee? I agree with your comments on a clean separation between players / coach and selectors (provided of course there is some communication between them). But allowing for the fact that each country might sometimes do things slightly differently; Freddy, I understand, even Vaughan's imput would be vaulable (maybe he is a 'parasite selector' on this tour), but Jones? I can't believe they can still claim to be taking the Ashes seriously. Maybe it is all a front so they could attend Kylie Minogue's concert. The Poms have always had a fascination with 'our Kylie'.

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Posted by TA on 2006-12-13 11:55:01

Just read an article on cricinfo how the English team have been going on a steady stream of concerts - from Kylie to Elton John to Robbie Williams to U2. Seems like a lot of Pommie popstars (or Aussie ex-pats based in the UK) seem to be timing their tours with the Ashes tour. I wonder whether its so they can watch the cricket or so the cricketers can watch the concerts. Works well for us either way - England are so distracted and befuddled with the partying and concerts, the result is showing on the field.

Funny thing about Ponting - it took him a while to make a century after becoming captain and everyone questioned whether it was affecting his batting. Then suddenly in the first match of 2005, he just started making huge scores and noone has criticised him since. Except this week, I think it was Rod Marsh who said his average of 59.99 wasn't high enough!

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Posted by JC on 2006-12-13 12:39:58

think I will back the weather in the 3rd test and call it a draw..

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Posted by Shaymus O'flatulence on 2006-12-13 17:37:54

Hmm, best I can find is the BOM's Perth forecast which says fine on Thursday but doesn't go any further than that. You know something we don't know?

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Posted by JC on 2006-12-13 17:59:58

Interesting read, JC. Regarding Vaughan, I could think of nothing worse for Freddie than to have him "hanging around" in the background. After all, Vaughan is still the Messiah of English cricket. Freddie, on the brink of losing the Ashes which Vaughan regained as captain. A distraction one could well do without!
Hope the weather in Perth is fine. Finished house painting in record time, to be ready for live action from the WACA.
Pietersen promises attacking cricket. Could be kamikaze stuff!!

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Posted by Dan Tas on 2006-12-13 20:21:08

I've been preparing for the WACA action too - have written several days worth of cartoons ready to start pencilling from the 1st session tomorrow.

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Posted by JC on 2006-12-14 01:24:04

This batting to number 8 is begining to become a joke. There is an article at the BBC that a bowler wants to improve his batting, so he can become a bowler.......

Is it just me or am I missing something here?

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Posted by Andrew on 2006-12-14 12:16:38

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